Yeah yeah yeah. I'm pretty sure I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew almost the moment I posted that, then my creativity receded into the back of my head in a fit of performance anxiety.

I've really gone back and forth on the archive removal thing. My big issue with it is over the fact that my archives now go back to 2000– that's an incredible extensive amount of time, and while I haven't posted consistently or frequently necessarily, it's a snapshot of myself in various states of personality development. While that's interesting in some respects, it's also weird for me because I don't feel I much resemble the person I was in 2000, or 2003, or 2006. Someone reading forward going back is going to have a weird time reconciling the conflicting opinions, because I certainly cringe at some of my posts.

But on the flip side, it's now nine years of my life and I hate to flush it down the drain. So while I want to get rid of the archives, I never want to get rid of the archives, and this conflict plays back and forth. At any rate it's back again, tomorrow I'll probably want to remove it all, ah well.

Adam and others also pointed out, in reference to my larger goal of "better entries," that there's no reason I can't maintain that while still involving my personal life. I suppose it's true, so my goal remains (as usual) to update more regularly.

Adam and I went out for the new year; we decided to go to the bars up and down Oxford St (one of Sydney's "gay areas") and were pretty surprised that everything was so dead. The one bar we regularly attend was closed except to people who'd purchased tickets in advanced, but the line to get in was pretty empty even at 11:30 PM. The neighborhood itself is far more packed on Saturday nights than it was on New Year's Eve, and every bar/club we went into had space to spare. Nevertheless I picked one that at least had something of a line outside of it (hoping that was going to be some sort of metric to the establishment) and we settled in with as many drinks as we could cram down half an hour before the new year rang in.

It was nice, drag queens passed out streamers and poppers (not that kind, you queens) and when midnight rang in Adam and I set ours off and then kissed. It was sweet, I don't remember doing anything like that with anyone I've dated before. I held his hand and we snuggled and then got drunk. Good way to bring in the holiday.

2008 was a big one in a lot of ways. I've remarked about "the cycle" that my life went through before, but it really feels like it's finally ended somehow. 2008 saw me starting an unexpected relationship with Adam that grew into an unexpected decision to move out of my adoptive home city for the last six years. An unexpected relationship that became unexpected "living together," without the animosity and rage I've had so many times before. Finding in myself an unexpected absolution of selfishness and a desire to try and be a better person for someone I love; even if my anger management is an issue sometimes, it's still something I'm working on changing.

It was my first year living on my own-own, without roommates, fending for myself. My first year where I obtained my first apartment all by myself. It was also a year where sadly a good friend of mine passed away (something I can't avoid mentioning in a post of so many other happiness-es). It was full of firsts in the rest of the world, historic moments and glimmers of hope. Amongst my friends a lot of people hated this past year, but to me, overall, it was a good one to lay as a foundation for many more to follow.