i have come to realize, lately, that life (the life i see and experience around me) only continues to worsen. i'm not referring to any of my own personal experiences. i mean that life in general is traveling downhill.

but i've been forced to wonder if it was always like this, and my perceptions have just changed from thinking the world was peachy to this realization, or if things really are going to shit.

when i was younger, it seemed different. there was always an air of caution to my life, that doing this would lead to this negative consequence, but the bad stuff never seemed all that worrying. it generally amounted to punishment from my parents. but as i grew up that caution grew into something else entirely. it went from being fear of the parents to fear of outside, external forces.

and now, i am truly paranoid and untrusting of the strangers around me. the good majourity of this stems from my car accident back in march, i believe. i can't seriously get into a car now and feel safe at all. i'm acutely aware of the driving of the person next to me and the people in the cars surrounding me.

and i'm scared out of my mind more often than not.

when i was younger, i don't remember speeding. or when i did, it was only because my mother casually referred to it as "wow, there goes batman." it wasn't scary.

but now it is. and now, as i have been as of late, i'm reminded of how much i wish i could've stayed within the few happy sectours of my childhood that still felt safe.

sigh. and how few those were, as well.

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ps. i got a new email addy: taeolyn@datura.org. you can send all mail to this. thanks.

cos it's a bittersweet symphony,
this life.

Entry last modified: June 28, 2007 at 8:31 pm.

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