i never did explain how things went with jacob.
well, we went out on our little date, and have been out on a couple since then. i've even gotten some sex out of the arrangement, so that's fun and all. things seemed to be progressing rather well, and i was even humouring the idea of doing the full-out Boyfriend Arrangement(TM) with him. if you haven't gathered from the past tense that this is no happy story, try again later.

today, he calls me to tell me that he just wants to be friends. out of the blue, no preperation nor warning. just bam. this, after i already had a super-shitty day.

i wasn't expecting this. i thought things were going along nicely. and then, like usual, i'm left behind.
i really don't know why i try anymore. i think it would've been easier just to stay a virgin, then i wouldn't be craving sex so badly. fuck. i'm gonna go get castrated so i don't even have to worry about it.

it doesn't make all that much sense to me, but it never does. he says he doesn't have feelings for me. the truth is he's interested in someone else, but he won't come out and admit that to me. no, he just has to allude to that fact and hope i'll bring the subject up.

i hate little games. fuck.
but even now, when i feel like just throwing it all away and saying "fuck this up the ass," will i? nope. as soon as someone else displays interest (and it'll likely be a long time from now), i'll repeat the whole thing again. it's a stupid, stupid cycle. sigh.

but until that time, no men for me. sure.

staying home alone on a Friday
flat on the floor looking back
on old love
or lack thereof
after all the crushes have faded
and all my wishful thinking was wrong
i'm jaded–
i hate it
i'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

Entry last modified: June 28, 2007 at 8:31 pm.

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