Okay, this is pathetic. It's 3:47 on a tuesday morning, I have work later (though, thankfully, not until two PM), and sleep is totally giving me the finger. It's been so long since I've actually had a bout of insomnia, that I'm not exactly prepared for this.

I'm still stuck on the train of thought that my life is shit right now. Okay, that's extreme. It's not shit, but it's not where I wish it would be, either. Not even close.

Of course, I've got no idea where I want it to be right now. I'm gonna try and explain something, and I'm gonna sound completely nuts in the process. But here goes.

For the past three years or so, I've undergone many changes on the spiritual front. And, with these changes, I've begun to have a very odd pull. It started not really as anything, but as of late it's developed into something that I actually consider to be my "calling."

Have any of you ever heard of a place in Europe called Glastonbury? Well, three years ago, I hadn't. Until I had a dream about this place. It wasn't (or shouldn't have been) significant — the dream was set in this place — yet it felt important. It stuck with me even when I woke up. And it still sticks with me now.

I feel like I need to go here. I've begun recently to research it, now that I know it's an actual place. And it turns out that it's one of the centres of paranormal activity in England. A good majourity of the crop circles and such occur in and around this place in Somerset. It's also got connections with Avalon and the King Arthur legends. The more I research this place (which i hadn't begun to do until this week), the more I feel like this isn't just my imagination.

I'm reading this site right now, and I'm seriously getting goosebumps. Here's a quote:

"Glastonbury, a small town about 125 miles or 220 km west of London, is full of myth and legend. In ancient times, Glastonbury lay in a triangle with the enormous stone circles of Stonehenge and Avebury - between them they formed a world energy-point. Great circle lines go from Glastonbury to many sacred centres worldwide. "

I realize I'm rambling, but it's because I'm filled with some really strange excitement while I'm reading, and I'm scrambling to type all my words out.

The part that gets weird is that, in that dream I mentioned, I saw a lot of the buildings and stuff that I'm looking at on this computer screen right now. Years later.

So what's this mean? Is this some past-life thing? I don't know. I just know that I have to go here to fufill some spiritual purpose. Ever since I had that dream, it's grow into a craving.

Ofcourse, I am realistic. I realize that, upon touching ground here, the secrets of the universe will most likely not manifest themselves for me. What'll probably happen is I'll get there (if, ofcourse, I do get there) and I'll find myself in the situation I'm in right now. Hitting a dead end.

Because, depressingly enough, I am seventeen, and unhappy with where I am right now. I find that morbidly disturbing. At seventeen, aren't I supposed to be worried about high school, getting my license, going to prom, graduating, going to college, etc? The "normal" stuff? I find it really unfair that for whatever reason my life has been accelerated to the point where I am in a dead-end job and paying my own bills and rent at seven-fucking-teen. Not even legally considered to be an adult, as I've had reminded to me at every point.

I can't get a bank account, because I'm not eighteen. I can't even get a fucking video rental card at Blockbuster Video because I'm not eighteen. How insane is that?

Ergh. Now I just sound bitter. Anyway, I should go to sleep. Because I've gotta get up in five hours to prepare myself for my wonderful job. Blah.

goodnight, everyone.

Entry last modified: April 26, 2006 at 1:31 pm.

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