Thursday was the three month anniversary of C.S. and I, though it wasn't the anniversary of when we officially started dating. It was the anniversary of when he and I met. I can't remember when we finally decided to make That Step, due to the fact that this journal isn't the only one I've been neglecting. We've had so many various levels of relationship that I just figured it was easier to mark the date of our meeting as the special one.

Quite frankly, things between us are working better than any other guy I've ever dated.

I mean it. Any other guy. Hands down. He is the best. It's unbelievable how happy he's made me.

And I keep waiting to fuck it up.

So we're boyfriends now, but with different stipulations than I've ever had in a relationship before.

For the explaination of that, I must go back to the days before he and I made that plunge.

I started having this really deep, intellectual conversation with an old friend who I haven't seen much of in a while. The strange thing that was she and I aren't generally prone to deep, intellectual conversations. But we were having one on the subject of relationships and monogamy.

What the conversation basically boiled down to was my discovery that I don't think I am capable of a relationship where I am solely stuck to just one person.

Now, if you know me, you know this is a radical change from everything I've believed in for years. So I'm tentatively trying this with C.S. And it seems to be working.

We're together, but if either of us meets someone else we find attractive, we're allowed to sleep with them without fear of guilt or anger. At least in theory.

When we were lying in bed on the anniversary, I asked him if he'd had sex with anyone else since we'd met. The answer to that question was yes. And I think generally that would've infuriated me.

But for some reason, it didn't. It kindof reasurred me. I think because the answer was yes, I knew, whereas had he said, "No baby," I would've wondered if he was lying.

He means a lot to me. A whole lot. It surprises the fuck out of me, because I never expected things to work like this. Not in the least.

But they did, and they keep working, and I just hope they keep it up.

Entry last modified: April 17, 2006 at 4:48 pm.

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