Perhaps I can appease my fan base by constantly changing the layout and never really updating. Will that fool you?
No, I apologise again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to write in here avidly and now it's incredibly difficult to bring myself to do it. I think it's because I've stopped being open with this as I used to be. I used to parade the site around, give it out to anybody who wanted it, and then I started becoming more secretive and reserved with who got to see it. I don't really know why. I know it got really bad when I had both Tommy and the old landlord from my first NYC apartment reading this and commenting whenever they felt.
And then C.S. and I began dating, and I certainly didn't want him to come in here and begin reading, but I don't really know why. Yet I think it's because of him that I really began completely cutting off my contact. But. I am tentatively and hesitantly putting my foot back in the website door, because I think I'm pulling out of whatever slump I was in for that past couple of months.
But to take care of that residual fear I am going to run through and make sure there isn't anything in here I don't know if he should read, and then give him the address. Whether it turns out like another Tommy episode or not, but I don't think it will, because he is so much better than Tommy in a hundred thousand ways. I mean, it's not like anything I'd write in here he hasn't seen, and it's not like anything I'd write in here I wouldn't tell him anyway.
I am about to begin the incredibly long and stressful process of bringing back the old-old entries that I took down right after I moved in with my parents. Because there's this chunk of the journal missing and I want that part resurrected. But it's gonna be long. And hard.
I'm moving again tonight. In a place that (unless things change, and hopefully on the positive side) I'll be in for the next three weeks. And after that… well, I don't know yet. We'll see.
Entry last modified: April 17, 2006 at 4:49 pm.
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