Shhh. I know I haven't written in like, a week.

I was busy, goddamnit!

Busy doing nothing, but that's beside the point. I still have a cold, a fact that's slightly perturbing me since it's going on Resilence Fest Week #2, but I'm feeling like it's almost over. After much work, much annoyance, much visitation to the post office, I finally have my new computer up and working. And this wonderful gem of a free computer has only cost me 200.00! But that's my parents for you.

The rest of the world has gone completely insane, which I really think is high-fucking-time since the US has been writing in crazy-talk for like five years now.

Umm. What else? I dunno. I'm tired, I took more medicine last night and I'm so high I could watch popcorn pop and I'd feel contented.

OH! I had the strangest dream the other day, but all my attempts at explaining it have been lackluster in result.

But. The dream was strange for a few reasons. First it was very epic, which isn't weird for me, but there was very little dream-jumping and the plot flowed rather logically, which is a little unusual.

In the dream I was a member of a further evolved part of the human race that was only slightly different from the "normal" ones. We were special-er, and because of that the normal people freaked out and put us into these reservation-type things and refused to allow us to live in normal society. Secretely, I was involved in a covert war that was going on between the two factions. Despite being different, our differences really didn't offer us any advantages. I think they were mostly on a genetic level and thus superficial, but I remember at one point someone said if we stood completely still while a normal person was looking at us, we'd just kindof fade away to their perceptions. Not invisible, but they just wouldn't notice us anymore.

So we were at war, and at some point I met Spike a la Buffy, who I readily admit I have a gigantic crush on, except he wasn't Spike the Vampire, he was just Spike the Hot Pseudo-British Guy Who I Want To Fuck Me. And he was. But he didn't. Cos I think he was in love with this girl who didn't love him back and he knew it, so he was just kindof blase, but I think he liked me too, cos we had "I'm sorry your girlfriend doesn't love you, here let me give you a blowjob cos I'm so sensitive" comfort sex.

I think I might need to get laid….

29 November 2004 at 9:59 am | No Comments »
dreams, the daily things

On my way home the girl sitting on the train across from me was reading the New York Times, so being as the back page was standing up in clear view I was reading it along with her. And the article was about the general state of disapproval with the way the country's been run in the face of Iraq and 9/11.

And I sat there thinking about that, about the war, wondering to myself rather smugly that how could Bush have not realized going to war was exactly what the people who attacked the World Trade Centers were banking on happening? And following that, how could he not realize that the provocation was meant to cause war so that the United States would look like bullies to the rest of the world.

And then I had a realization that I'd never thought about the entire time this war's been going on.

Well, honestly, ofcourse he had to go to war, whether I disagree with it or not, because there was no way to extricate the US from the 9/11 attacks with anything short of violence, lest we look like incapable, pushover pussies to the rest of the world and ourselves and invite ourselves to more attacks.

And then I realized that I'm sure Bush, or at the very least someone who Bush would hear from at some point, was aware of this predicament.

And I realized that no choice would have been good. If he'd not fought back the US would've flipped out. I'm sure, thinking now, had he not gone to war that someone else would've been elected. Because they wanted their blood for blood. But if he did, and as he has, go to war there'd be a new set of circumstances to be disapproved for.

Lose/lose. It's really so fucking simple that I can't believe I never thought about this.

They say the easiest way to make yourself have trouble taking out your enemy is to humanitize him.

I totally just humanitized Bush.

I need to take a shower. Ew.

22 November 2004 at 11:46 pm | 1 Comment »
introspection, the daily things

how do you love is the question, and who
and when it comes down from the sky, does it matter
father, friend, daughter; who/ do you love
is the question and where
is the time for this passion, will not emerge
from garden parties, when then
you do love, is it sudden and tough
do you love to love, is it
music, who
and how do you love, did you
love or not love & do you

- Diane DiPrima

21 November 2004 at 11:43 pm | No Comments »
the daily things

Okay.

Yeah.

I have to apologize for my lackluster b-day post, and my subsequent disappearance. I seem to have contracted some mutant strain of a cold that won't go away and makes me cough and say things like "surr, I'be gwot dose espense rapports own my dwesk."

So you can totally see why I didn't feel like writing.

The pleghm is coming up at least and I'm able to breathe through my nose again, which is totally great for the sex-life, I've discovered, and I'm feeling increasingly back to normal.

Birthday was good, Jake bought me books, Vine bought me computer games, even work threw me a party and got me a carrot cake. Cos I made the mistake of mentioning to someone when she offered me a Kit-Kat bar that I wasn't a gigantic fan of chocolate, so they assumed that meant for all things chocolate.

But oh well. It was cute.

Now I'm eating yogurt, and drinking soda, because that is my breakfast of champions diet.

I'll write more later.

20 November 2004 at 3:40 pm | No Comments »
the daily things

Today's the day.

16 November 2004 at 8:12 pm | No Comments »
the daily things

Even though I still haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact, tomorrow is my birthday.

The date, at 10:30 PM, CST, that I will approach the milestone of shedding my teenage-dom like an additional, no-longer-needed skin.

It feels kinda weird.

I've almost always been the youngest in anything I've done since leaving school, I was always the youngest person in the job, I was always the youngest person doing this, that, etc, though even the older ones paid me much respect for my apparent maturity. And birthdays have always been weird for me, too.

Certainly, years ago, I never could imagine myself approaching this age. It wasn't an idea I could process.

I dunno. It just feels strange. Sorry I'm not more eloquent.

15 November 2004 at 9:09 pm | No Comments »
introspection

Aargh.

So I know technically I'm the personal slash administrative assistant and all. But really.

There's no excuse for me coming to work Monday morning and finding thirty-six unread messages, all from him.

When does the man find time to get laid??!

15 November 2004 at 10:03 am | No Comments »
bitching

Bah.

14 November 2004 at 9:36 pm | No Comments »
bitching

Jake is on my nerves, and I have a headache.

My parents are apparently shipping me the pieces to a new computer on Monday. I mentioned to them that mine is clinging to life by tiny strands of miracles and is liable to die any day, and after a little bit of a guilt trip they said they'd give me one.

Seeing as how they have a computer repair store and all I really don't see why they can't.

So I'm all kinds of excited because the computer they're sending me is going to be badass, a Pentium 4 with 2.1 ghz and 512 of RAM, whereas mine now might be a Pentium 2 with 466 mhz and like 300 of RAM. See the difference? See? See?

But they didn't have an extra case, so I'm going to have to buy one and put it together myself with drives and pieces of my old computer, but hell, all together a new, top-of-the-line system's going to cost me between fifty to a hundred dollars.

I can buy a case for that.

I'm quivering with anticipation at the thought. Do you know what I can accomplish with 2.1 ghz? DO YOU KNOW?

A lot more than I can now, I tell you.

So my mother says she's shipping the chip, memory, and motherboard on Monday, so I should have it Wednesday/Thursdayish. Yay.

13 November 2004 at 5:49 pm | No Comments »
the daily things

So I think I came across something today that should be checked out by the next Freud or whatever.

A few days ago I posted this, the now apparently infamous 'fuck the south' campaign.

And apparently not everyone liked it as much as me.

I found that site through my referals that linked to a google search. That was one of the top ones, mine was a few below it. So I read it, discovered rather quickly it was a right-wing bitch fest, much as mine is a left-wing bitch fest, except I noticed several striking things.

Placing the fuckthesouth page on the side for a moment, I notice that, in reading republican/right-wing/conservative blogs, commentary, opinion articles, etc, they have a tendency to be a lot more, well.

Totally fucking insane.

I don't think I've ever really heard a democrat/left-wing/pussy liberal threaten somebody who disagreed with them with firebombs, but I've heard that phrase come up a little too many times for comfort out the mouths of the other team.

I recall a website I used to read avidly before moving to NYC which I won't link because I don't want her to have any traffic whatsoever, but prior to her completely losing her mind, I used to check her page daily. She used to be hysterical. Then suddenly the war in Iraq officially started and she became crazy. Started throwing around phrases like "I'm a part of the vast Right-Wing Conspiracy," "Anybody who disagrees with Bush should be shipped off to Russia to join their friends," etc.

When, months, weeks before she'd typed up a diatribe about how much of a doofhead the President was/is.

Then the crap with the Dixie Chicks started and she wrote this entire long-winded post about how people basically should shut the fuck up unless they agreed with the majority. I was stunned, it prompted this post. So I left a comment on her site, amongst all the others reccomending that someone track down a Map to the Stars for people like Ben Affleck and Alex Baldwin and blow them up in their sleep because people shouldn't have opinions, saying pretty much she'd completely lost her mind and I was appauled at what her site had turned into. There was no more of the brilliant writing, it was all paranoid delusional hate-spit. I left a large library of links where she'd written entries that were quite critical of George Bush. I left my email.

I expected a backlash. Because someone else had posted something similar to me, except saying pretty much that the first amendment protects the right to free speech, IE, the right to disagree, and she was eaten like a piece of pork roast covered in blood and dropped in a shark tank. Later I read that she'd received death threat emails and eventually real-threat letters and shit on her front door because somebody had mananged to track down her real information and hunt her down.

I'm like, what the fuck? Only cos she disagreed with the consensus of the site's readers?

Tell me, when's the last time you've heard about a Democrat doing that.

However. My comment went completely ignored. I don't mean someone dismissed it, I mean, out of the 80 people who'd posted to that entry, not one of them made reference to what I said in any way at all.

It was really surprising. Not what I expected in the least.

So anyway, my point. I read this site today and it's the same shit, bashing of the person who created fuckthesouth. By like the ninth or tenth comment I've had enough, it's all the same shit of "this person's a poo poo head," except, again, the conservatives take it a few steps further with posting the registry info for the domain online.

Granted. The registry info is freely, publically available.

Granted. The registry info looked pretty fake.

But still. What if it hadn't been? Whose right is it of theirs to do something like that, which is obviously meant in a threatening manner? Then they gave the guy shit for not having the balls to put his name behind his words.

I don't fucking blame him, I wouldn't either if I knew I'd have my personal address posted online for all the other psychotic right-winggers to send me explosives.

However, most of the bitching was of a "this stupid Democrat" nature, despite that, if you actually read the fuckthesouth site, the author doesn't make reference once to Democrats or Republicans. He bitches specifically about the South, then about the Red states. So I left a comment. It's there on the site but I'll post it here as well.

Posted by misterjfrost on 11/12 at 07:04 PM
um, no where on the site did he/she say he/she was a democrat….

all he/she said was it was the blue states against the red states.

and I really think you're all appaulingly immature. didn't you read the terms of service on here? I signed up only to post this comment and I clearly see it says no vulgar, obscene, hateful comments should be allowed to be posted.

this thread sounds pretty hateful to me.

and posting the registry info? that's nice.

And if you scroll past, the other comments there as of this moment don't mention it at all. Whereas higher up you can see somebody else was defending the fuckthesouth site and everyone was all over him.

So, getting back to my Freud comment, I think conservatives need to be examined carefully.

They seem to have this thing that makes them completely unable to process their own wrong-ness. I've seen this across the board with like, nearly every Christian/Republican/Catholic/Right-Wing/Crazy Person I know. It's just bizarre.

You can't really call us sore losers when, like, you refuse to even participate in the game? Y'know?

Freaks.

Edit: Interestingly enough to me, just as soon as I posted this and allowed MT to trackback this guy's entry, the conversation shifted and they started responding to me. So perhaps as long as I'm the only one complaining about them they deny me, but if I point them out in a more public method they scramble to respond vocally and without any sense of anything. Huh.

13 November 2004 at 1:40 am | No Comments »
proselytizing