Archive for June, 2005
I find that as I get older I'm becoming less and less tolerant of differing opinions; specifically those political. Perhaps it's the way things have turned out now as opposed to when I was younger, or my awareness of things now as opposed to when I was younger. I cannot understand gay Republicans, even moderate ones. Jake is one, due to his conservative upbringing and so forth, and it boggles my mind. It's one thing I guess if you agree with enough of their principles, but I don't understand anybody homosexual identifying with them. They don't want us in their club under any pretense. They aren't even being subtle about it. Look at George Bush's website under Outreach; there's a heading for everything including "snowmobiler," but nothing for homosexual.
I had an argument once with one of those gay republicans, who was every bit the type of bigoted racist you find in the back end of Texas despite being a fudgepacker and Middle Eastern, and the things that continued to come out of his mouth made my skin crawl. He didn't feel that gay people should get married and that the entire gay rights movement should cease because gay people should work towards being exactly like straight people so they stop rocking the boat. My problem with that viewpoint was that it made restrictions on a group of people for no reason whatsoever. He countered with "Well your viewpoint restricts my beliefs."
I guess he's right, but I'm fine to restrict a person's belief(s) if their beliefs take away or refuse the rights of another human being for stupid and arbitrary reasons like race or religion or anal sex. Is that equally as wrong as the minds that crafted segregation and slavery? I don't feel in my heart that it is.
I've told C.S. on many occasions that I hope I'm never put in a position to make the choice between pressing the button to save the human race or let it be wiped out. I hope I'm never the deciding voice that the aliens hear from in their trial over whether or not to destroy the world. I hope it's never made my decision, because I would honestly have a very difficult time explaining why it needs to be kept around.
For all the good our species once created, and for all the pockets of beauty scattered around the earth, is it really anything that needs to be kept? I don't know. I'm personally just a few more Orwellian choices in legislature away before I start engineering a super virus.
20 June 2005 at 9:17 pm | 1 Comment » 
bitching, introspection
There's absolutely no justification for some thirty-two year old guy messaging me on a gay personal site at 10 AM on a sunday because he's with a "bud" and they're "partying," which is gay for doing crystal meth, and they want to know if I'll come to the Upper East Side and "party" with them when my profile explicitly says I'm not interested in sex.
Or drugs. ew!
Rant off.
19 June 2005 at 9:58 am | No Comments » bitching
I decided on a whim of boredom to cut my hair and dye it black again, the first time ever:
17 June 2005 at 5:40 pm | 1 Comment » shutterbugs
- Delta Goodrem
("Innocent Eyes")
You need to download Flash if you see this message.
do you remember when you were seven
and the only thing that you wanted to do
was show your mom that you could play the piano
ten years have passed
and the one thing that lasts
is that same old song that we played along
and made my momma cry
I miss those days and I miss those ways
when I got lost in fantasies
in a cartoon land of mysteries
in a place you won't grow old
in a place you won't feel cold
and I'll sing
seems I'm lost in my reflection
find a star for my direction
for the little girl inside who won't just hide
don't let me see mistakes and lies
let me keep my faith and innocent eyes
my innocent eyes
do you remember when you were fifteen
and the kids at school called you a fool
cos you took the chance to dream
in the time that's passed and the one thing that lasts
is that same old song that we played along
and made my daddy cry
under my feelings under the skin
under the thoughts from within
learning the subtext of the mind
see creation, how we're defined
16 June 2005 at 12:05 pm | No Comments » soundtrack
So my mother won't lay off the return-to-New-Orleans and help-work-in-your-parents'-"company" guilt-trip. And very scarily so, I'm giving the whole situation a lot more thought than I need to.
I mean, I know acutely on a sensible level that it'd never work out and I'd be miserable there. And part of me worries that if I do go back to New Orleans, I will never, despite my father's assertion, be able to save up enough money to get back. I mean I made a fair wage, but that's because I can up here. When I was living in New Orleans my 6.00 an hour salary at McDonald's was something to be proud of.
I guess I'm just stressed and not really wanting to look the situation square in the face.
The new roommate, who will be dubbed Smith, and I ended up talking for four hours last night. It was weird and unanticipated. He's a very smart guy and I like that he shares many of the political opinions that I do. Unlike Jake, who doesn't understand why I think it's appalling to block HIV + people from entering the country.
So Smith and I were talking about all manner of things, but mostly boys and politics. And C.S. came up regularly, somewhat because I think Smith was kindof digging him when he came over this weekend. Smith made the suggestion that he and I were still kindof together, which I refute though I know all outward evidence implies otherwise. I wanted to get him an iPod for his thirty-fourth birthday in August. I don't know if I'll be able to.
And my cold, which I thought had left, is back again. Blah.
15 June 2005 at 9:21 pm | No Comments » the daily things
I HAVE to look for a job today.
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's really totally inexcusable.
The fact of the matter is I'm again in some sortof lame funk, and it's not cos I'm getting over a cold as my mom claims, and it's not because I'm adjusting, etc. It's because I'm being a bum and when I can't pay my rent it'll be utterly my fault for not being proactive before now.
So this thinking ofcourse has done wonders for both my motivation and self-esteem.
My old boss (Chinese) in other news, WON'T STOP CALLING ME. He's called me twice a day every day at least since I got back from New Orleans. I got really pissed off about it yesterday and yelled at him and then he switched to incessant emailing instead. AArrgghhhh.
This was the funniest thing I've ever read.
15 June 2005 at 8:57 am | No Comments » bitching
I made a new layout, yes. I also finally got Reason 3.0. So you might not hear from me for a while.
13 June 2005 at 6:57 am | No Comments » the daily things
So I haven't been good.
I got back in to New York Tuesday night, after having another fight with C.S. The new roommate moved in while I was gone (I guess I forgot to mention that we found one) and he wanted to go out for dinner. Though I was exhausted I said sure and we did, and he paid. He seems nice, though he's 37 and where I'm from that would be a little weird to still be having roommates, but in NYC I guess it's different. Or it's like my high school piano teacher whom everybody knew was gay but he'd never come out and actually say it, and he pelted us with anecdotes of his "roommate" all the time.
Anyway. Wednesday he bought an air conditioning unit for the living room, which seemed like a fantastic idea at first conception except that somehow defying our expectations it's not doing anything at all to cool the apartment. Well no, I guess it's managed to bring the living room from fucking sweltering to nearly room temperature. My room is still hot, and I can't do anything about it because I have no window. Just a skylight.
So today's Thursday, and the reason why I said I've been bad is the fact that yesterday I slept until 6 PM (which I guess isn't so unreasonable because I slept maybe five hours my entire trip and Tuesday was a very stressful and late day) and have yet to even attempt to find a new job this week. I know on a logical level that this is inexcusable and I don't have enough time to fuck around, but I'm lethargic and can't motivate myself at all. It's not even out of depression. It's just that New York has been very weird to me since a few days before returning. I don't know entirely why.
My cat's also been strange, doing things like behaving and following me from room to room, laying next to me on the couch, bed, etc. I don't like it at all.
9 June 2005 at 3:37 pm | No Comments » the daily things
