Get the latest version of Flash if you see this for over 10 seconds.

A co-worker sent me this video today. Where previously I would've looked at it and giggled at the absurdity and obvious fakeness, now I'm suspicious.

I'm so inundated with viral advertising that I can't take anything at face value anymore. I'm looking around at products in the background. "Okay, what are they trying to sell me?" I'm googling header information in the video to try and figure out where it came from. Who is this chick? Where have I seen her? Is she someone on Lost? Or is this an advertisement for some new office sitcom?

In a world of Lonelygirl15 I can't trust it anymore.

Microsoft commissioned their own "alternate reality game" as an advertisement for Halo 2 that unless you picked it up from the start seemed totally weird and paranoia-inducing.

Lost is definitely the biggest one of these, with their novels written by characters and referenced in the show, as well as entire websites and videos poured into YouTube that could really confuse any random housewife into thinking she's stumbled onto a gigantic corporate conspiracy.

It's frustrating. Can't we go back to knowing ads were ads and were lying to us? If I get another "Dude you've got to see this, I'm in trouble!" email detailing how some stranger is on the run from aliens or terrorists or the government, but it's just an ad for ABC's next series, I will pop.

22 December 2006 at 10:33 am | 1 Comment »
bitching, video

I also have to come to terms, at some point, with the fact that I'm smarter than almost everyone on gay.com, and the likelihood that that'll ever change no matter how many times I log in hopeful is slim.

19 December 2006 at 12:25 am | 2 Comments »
the daily things

So I've given up on Out Magazine, the same way I've given up on The Advocate.

Running an article where a gay guy explained that he doesn't believe being gay is anything but a choice did it for me.

I mean, come on.

Admittedly he was trying to be a little funny with it, saying there's no way he thinks it's fair to give credit for his fabulous decorating and cooking skills to a copulating menage a  trois of egg and sperm, but the underlying argument was stupid, and not just stupid but dangerous.

I was disappointed because I expected the writer to be another dumb 18 year old, but I was saddened that it was someone at least as old as my parents.

So my hands are in the air and I'm done with it. I clearly wasn't conceived in the right year.

18 December 2006 at 11:27 pm | No Comments »
proselytizing

I might write something about my company's office party Wednesday night, but I've a feeling that I'd have to password the entry.

But on a happy note, I started dealing with my first client, and at the party one of the managers turned to the CTO of the company and said:

"So Josh got so-and-so. I think he'll be able to deal with them."

"I haven't seen anything that Josh can't deal with yet."

That made me feel good.

15 December 2006 at 10:40 am | 2 Comments »
the daily things

I went out on a date friday; it ended up being a bust, but I saw Running With Scissors, which I'd been meaning to catch for a long time.

It reminded me weirdly of when I first moved to NYC. The end, with Augusten at the bus station with a wad of money and no clue, reminded me of myself just a few years ago.

Funny how not much time has passed and I'm already so old and angry.

C.S. and I stopped talking entirely last week for reasons I don't feel like talking about here right now, but seeing the movie made me want to confront it.

As should not shock anyone, I'm pretty crazy. For a long time I knew this and rationalized it by, "Well, my family's a lot more fucked up than I am, so it's cool." I thought I was just functionally insane. And I am, but I'm acknowledging the fact that I'm not nearly as put-together as I thought. I have a lot of pain and a lot of anger that has followed me from childhood, and pretending that I'm well-adjusted does not make it so. C.S. stood by me and watched me at my worst many, many times, but everyone has a breaking point and his was saintly.

So I saw the movie, and I saw his crazy mother and his crazy adoptive family, and I decided in the theatre next to the bad date that I didn't want to be that. I don't want to be crazy anymore. I've never told myself that before. I've always assured myself that I am fine, that nothing's wrong, that the only issue I have is a bit of anger-management difficulty. Pretending that I'm well-adjusted does not make it so.

So they say the first step is admitting the problem, right? I took that step. I'm taking the deep breath next.

4 December 2006 at 10:15 pm | 13 Comments »
introspection

• Ani DiFranco
  ("Not a Pretty Girl")
  You need to download Flash if you see this message.

I'm sorry I didn't sound more excited on the phone
I'm sorry that after all these years
I've left you feeling unrequited and alone,
brought you to tears
I guess I never loved you quite as well
as the way you loved me
I guess I'll never really be able to tell you how sorry
I am
and I don't know what it is about you
I just know it's not what it was
I don't know why red fades before blue it just does
and I don't know what it is about me
that I just can't keep still
I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you
and maybe someday I will
I guess I never loved you quite as well
as the way you loved me
I guess I'll never really be able to tell you how sorry
I am
sorry I am
sorry I am
sorry I am

2 December 2006 at 3:18 am | No Comments »
soundtrack